Know the biggest difference between men’s break up songs and women’s? Men’s go something like, “Sorry I hurt you please take me back.” And women’s go, “Why did you hurt me I loved you so much.” See the disconnect?

A man this summer sent me a multiple paragraph apology, and made it a point to let me know his hurting me “pained him”. The relevance of his emotions were lost on me. He was also the second man who bypassed my blocking, because it seems the last word is somehow important. That’s fine, they can have it.

Every time a man has shed a tear to me, and there have been a few, it is because they’ve realized the result of their actions was to lose me. Make note, it was never because of the actions themselves.

I’ve realized something crucial when it comes to relationships. When someone hurts you, disrespects you, places you as a tertiary object in their life, it isn’t you they hurt for, it’s themselves. It pains them, that they no longer get your energy. It agonizes them they cannot feel your soul, your body enmeshed with theirs, the euphoria you brought into their life.

I’ve finally come to realize that this is not my problem.