How fitting is it that the flower I share a name with looks as if it has a clitoris coming from the center of it. I laughed when the images kept popping up as I googled myself searching for my book. My project manager tells me “Relax” it takes some time to get on the market after greenlighting it.

As I start to pack my things and get ready to leave what has been my home for a year, I reflect on how far I’ve come since moving in. The day I moved in I knew there was a lot of work to do, I had more than my belongings to unpack.

I had loved, then lost, then ironically loved and lost again. The second time was in July, although it had been going on since late April. I found myself drowning beneath the falls yet again as I hid in the Green Mountains and asked myself how I had given my heart away, again.

It was then that I came to the realization that for once, I needed to look towards myself for connection. What was it that I needed to feel my soul? It certainly wasn’t someone else. The similarities between me and the man I lost in July were astounding, he had said so himself. Was I looking to love myself through someone else?

Why was I looking outward for what should have been inward? An interesting question indeed. Maybe it was then, while melting into the moss with Liz yet again, that I realized that everything I needed was right here. Like in Paolo Coelho’s “The Alchemist” the treasure was right where I started. Right here.